Monday, January 31, 2011


The boyfriend will be back tomorrow afternoon to help me pack up the trailer. We leave Tuesday early in the morning.
The weather is going to be awful the whole way, but he's a much better driver than I am.
I can't wait to see my family and friends in Oklahoma, even if the whole place will be covered in a foot of snow.

Also, changed the layout.
I took the car in to the repair place today.
The list of things that needed done was a little longer than I'd hoped... Four new tires, serpentine belt replaced, one brake light replaced, oil change, alignment adjustment.
I knew about the alignment and tires, but not the rest. The alignment problems goes all the way back to his ex-girlfriend, who moved out of state to live with another man while he was serving in Iraq (seriously). Since she just left his car in a parking lot, it was towed, and the tow did some damage to the frame and alignment.
I ended up getting the worst two tires replaced, the alignment fixed, and the brake light changed. It was $250 total, which wasn't bad I suppose. I was hoping to fix the rest today as well since this place has 6-month no-interest payment plans, but I wasn't approved for the plan.
I essentially have no credit whatsoever. I guess a lifetime of paying most things (including my car) in full with money I actually have doesn't count for much.
When I get to Oklahoma, my family's going to give me a little Christmas money and some travel food, so hopefully that'll be enough to tide us over so we can get the car fixed in Oklahoma. That is, if there are any places open when I get there. Tonight they're supposed to get almost a foot of snow, after having been 75 degrees just last week. A friend joked to me that I must be Mr. Freeze, since every time I visit home there's some kind of horrible snow or ice storm.

Today I also sold the keyboard for $350. Ending the day with $100 more than I started with is pretty exciting, even though I definitely started tearing up when the buyer closed it into his trunk.

Overall, I would say I'm filled with a cautious hopefulness. Things are working out fairly well for now. Money is tight, but we have enough to get by, and a little padding just in case.
I'm excited about starting over, but I'm trying to stay realistic about it. While I loved California, I realize it is not a perfect land of rebirth and happiness with fairies dancing between the palms. I know it will be tough. I know it will be a lot of work and sacrifice. But I also know it's got to be better than here, where even the McDonald's isn't hiring.

Sunday, January 30, 2011


For the past several weeks, I have been packing.
My boyfriend and I have this lovely and spacious three bedroom apartment filled with our things.
We have beautiful and expensive furniture, dozens of movies and video games, and plenty of treasured mementos.

Unfortunately, to get from North Carolina to California, we have to be able to fit all of our belongings into an 8'x4'x4' U-Haul trailer. This means we have to sell our expensive and lovely furniture (including a thousand-dollar electric keyboard that we're hoping to get $350 for), pawn off our movies and games, and see our treasured mementos dumped into a Goodwill collection bin.

This breaks my heart. I've lived here long enough to become uniquely attached to everything in this house. I've often thought I had some hoarding tendencies, but never had a problem with it. Looking through all these piles and boxes of things, though, I'm having some trouble deciding what should be kept. It hurts me to part with so much of it.
I get some consolation from the idea that my roommate is buying much of the furniture for his new place, but it still makes me sad to see it go.

I sold our bed two nights ago. It's the bed where he and I have slept in each others arms for two years, where we played video games and laughed together, and where we first made love.
Soon, the table where we ate together will be gone. Where we sat and talked as a family, sharing stories and laughing, where all the meals I cooked were served, and where all the board games were laid out.
The bookshelves that held hundreds of novels, some funny, some sad, some smutty, and some true. The desk where we wrote out our plans and dreams. The couches where we snuggled close to one another and the TV that glowed against our faces.

We are starting over in a new place, a new home. A new life in a new state. A new adventure to share.

This house is empty, and I can hear our memories echoing through its halls, shouting "Goodbye! Goodbye!"